GOOD GIRL WITH BAD HABITS

 


The more I dig in the rules of the universe, our human nature, the more I find  traces of a paradox, a term perfectly describing the contradicting nature in the world, or people. I know there's definitely some folks out there who are strongly aware and only act leading by the sense of their strong self-discipline and control, yet there's always that stage ahead when you find someone acting so not like them, or contradicting their own words. That is all okay. The unpredictability in people is all what excites and makes this life theatre go on.

Well, to throw at you some facts, I was brought up as the nicest girl on this planet, believing that the purpose of mine was to serve this world and those who surround me. I always felt a need to save and help someone out, proving myself that I can add some value to someone's life and, in this way, validate my own self-worth or egoic self image. Having not learnt to express myself easily and fluently from the early days, I do get stuck, being unable to digest my own emotions and saying 'NO' in the situations or people, things like that. It took me a while to get my mind sorted, re-programme my thought patterns to stop suggesting me these stupid ideas about myself or forcing me to do things that I don't like. And don't get me wrong, I do believe that the whole point is to be there for others, connect  and help each other grow altogether, in my head, this is what the big game of the universe is. Yet, it is important to not lose yourself in that process. My favourite book about codependency (by Melody Beattie) mentioned this one simple line that one should act like in a plane in case of the accident. You put your own mask first before you do it for your child or other person. It is important to give yourself love first so you have more than enough to give it to your people. 

Well, this is not what the initial idea of this article was, but I feel like the point I made can be quite helpful to some. To get back to what I actually intended on talking about, after staring at these shots for a while, this conversation popped up in my head, that I had some time ago with one of my colleagues. She's a middle-aged French woman. Charismatic, elegant, seductive - the combination of words that would describe her best I think, although there was so much more going on that made her persona unforgettable. Some things that she said made an impact in my life back then. One of the conversations we had were on our break while we were having a cig. She was always complimenting me about my pure and angelic nature, being beautiful and kind to others and yet being a smoker and dorky at points, she said, you know it's beautiful what we women are, we can literally be anyone. Act nice but smoke, wink to men in a bar and still be pure creatures. And it's not about women only. It's so nice to have this multi-dimensional character, that reveals its layers in different lights. Each one of them should be saluted as it is what makes you complicated and that's so much better than being plain 'perfect'. 

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