This one is our first project with Nina Nunukova, featuring artist and talented musician Latir. We were involved in the jealousy based love story (can you spot the green?) that is transmitted through different stages: falling in love, chaser-runner, surrendering and dissolution. Sounds familiar?
Never had an idea that I would write about love on my platform as it is all I feel is left for me only. My personal journey and realisations I come across while I go. Yet, I do feel inspired by the idea that we get to know ideas only to share it with others. Hearing other people out has always been nurturing and helpful with my own direction and so I feel like some personal remarks can be somewhat helpful or impactful in a good way. Hear me out.
I remember myself falling for an idealised romance, unconditional love I used to see on my television screen when I was a lot younger. I do visualise now the younger self watching dreamy movies, but from up there and all I feel can be summed up to "aww, look at her believing in that sh*t". Being in love with an idea of destructive love built on ego, agendas, that give way to illusions of how things should be, yet it does not compromise the true nature of life's fluidity in any way.
It is very possible for me now to sound a bit hypocritical, it is also very possible that I will change my mind later on. In the end, we all have a power to change our minds as we are bound to adapt to different circumstances and outgrow ourselves to versions that are healthier for our mindsets and lifestyles. Perception I've grown in today has really changed from the one I used to have during my teenage years. Despite experiencing a unique and intriguing romantic stories, I still question why we weren't taught self-love in schools or movies, families, why it wasn't the core topic of our conversations with friends and instead all we knew was the unconditional love for the imaginative second half, soulmate, that made us devote ourselves to that someone, believing that our glasses weren't full enough. I believed into the single-path love, destiny, "it's meant to be" kind of love. Everyone meets that other half eventually and lives beautifully ever after. That is usually the mindset you develop after watching too much Disney I guess. It is extremely liberating to accept my being as that one of the shared consciousness, belonging to oneness. Allowing myself to see beyond limitation, connect to the multiple different bodies of energy that can grow into beautiful, meaningful relationships, filled with compassion, love and gratitude. And having faith in them to be equally strong & resourceful.
Well I was living my days only to realise that the ideology I had in my head made me ignore my own voice, yet at that time it was easier to dismiss every feeling and act according to the examples I saw around. It was blind leading blind situation. I inevitably developed a habit to control and put pressure on people & situations so it would match my desired outcome. So what it means is, it was an outcome I was attached to, not the genuine love, right? The previous unpleasant and triggering connections pushed me to surrender into my solitude which wasn't a bad thing and after all turned out ideally. It is more important though, what I choose to believe in now. It's very opposite to the aforementioned ideas. In my view, love is simply being, it's peaceful and quiet. In opposition to feeling tensed and pressured, I allow just simply be. I feel like the real capacity to love unconditionally is in the hands of the person who can let go of someone, idealised outcomes and agendas with respect and gratitude. I choose not to interfere with the plan of the universe and just flow its suggested directions. The most rewarding truth I figured out, love starts within, letting go of my own old beliefs finally made me face a magical moment of experiencing this awakening in "seeing through the mirror" effect. Once I set someone free, I became free myself.
Always love,
𝔏𝔐
