It is an interesting idea that we are born into language. We are formed by the contexts and by words that  create them, that have existed before we came into this world. I came across this idea by reading scholar book I found in a second hand bookshop in Finsbury Park, where I lived in the previous year. (For the name see below).

Language has always been in the centre of my interests (this is what often happens when you live in a foreign country I believe). It is undeniable that English has contributed to the gradual transformation of my mind, because really, words determine our thoughts and challenges a way our brain works. You cannot possibly think outside the contexts and ideas that are limited by the language you use for communication (or can you?). To put that into perspective, a good suggestion by the same author, imagine an English speaker and Lithuanian speaker take a ride together across natural landscape, how different do you think they would describe what they see along their way? Different languages contain different amounts of words to describe colours, emotions, feelings etc., and it does reflect in our different perceptions of seeing this world.  

I would be lying if I say that linguistics found its way into my heart alongside the discovery of that book only. Well I already could communicate in English (like most of us) and in order to improve it now I would have to relive my passion for learning it. Even though learning English was forced onto me when I was younger (around 8 years old), it's doesn't take long to realise that no language can be learnt without consistency and personal motivation. That shows in different levels of my English, Russian, Korean and even ancient Egyptian that can barely remember now. I am still picking up some of the words now from Korean and Russian vocabularies, trying to revise my knowledge just in case I go to the countries, for the sake of that first good impression. However, knowing English has significantly expanded my mind and vision of the new contexts and other possible ideologies, not to mention the opened doors to globalisation or liberation. 

Having already tapped into a multi-language aspect of my life, I have been thrown into another pool of thoughts. There was an idea from this podcast that I cannot recall the name of, that speaking foreign language does provide a problem when it comes to speaking your mind out from the place of heart. Because isn't it that we tend to construct the order of words in our head first before we spill it? I have had these contradicting thoughts in me, doubting my honesty and authenticity while communicating in school, work or even with my English speaking friends, being afraid if the words I expressed are the right ones to explain how I feel at that time. Going to sleep later and thinking what I would have said instead. Sometimes, you literally cannot find words to describe how you feel and you are left with this cloud of thoughts sitting in your head while your mouth is open to say something yet nothing comes out... probably because I did not find the best words to define what's in there. 

To be honest, there's still so many unsaid ideas about speaking the foreign language that I would probably have to leave for another time not to expand into irrelevant details and it is already hard to stick to one idea. Yesterday I had a  heated discussion with my family and friends about our experiences in dealing with miscommunication, untranslatable feelings and identities defined by language. That was what inspired me to write this finally. Speaking of the imagery, we shot these on my catch up day with Nina just before the 3.0 lockdown happened. Had so much fun while editing, giving them scenic colours to elevate my ideas for this article.