There's a lot going on right now. In the current circumstances the introspective analysis reaches its peak and hits me twice as harder when I am situated in my own comfort. It is interesting how my brain operates when it is not played by the external triggers. Perhaps you've noticed, mind has a fantastic ability to create bigger problems of the little problems and some other little problems when where is none at all really. How could there be any brainstorm worthy dilemma when the only serious thing you did today was taking a walk? Well unless we all have very well trained minds and very healthy positive thought patterns when none of this should be happening.
My current inner monologues are so delightful it would be no shame to vocalise it out loud. There's no guilt or shame reactions that I am super proud of. Especially, when I still have this long list of skills and projects I want to develop since the 1.0 lockdown. I can admit, I know how to rest now, and I know how to do it without feeling guilty. That is the biggest accomplishment made in the past months that took me years to achieve.
I also started to train my mind not to time travel into the the past or future events, as I have observed, feeding it the past moments never did any good to me and the future thoughts bring me into fearing state of mind, making me want to control everything and over-think. I learn slowly to be here, at this moment. It is not the easiest task when day after day you are in the same room, the same park, there's not a lot going on and everything seems too slow for the mind that is used to running with a speed of light. Yet, meditation has helped a lot and I found a guide to meditation by Andy Puddicombe very helpful. The content is relatable to any life situation ever lived and most surprisingly has changed a way I look at meditation, breathing and eating as well. I think it would be useful to mention that I do not image a beginning of my day without meditation, positive mind affirmations and journaling. Especially when there's more free time and it means more time for our brain to go nuts! When the mind is not trained it will control you, but your life will start to change by taking a conscious lead.
What concerns finding a bit of excitement in the gloomy day. If sitting cozy inside, covered in four layers of blankets, scrappy ecstatic poem books and a cheap fag in your hand is not your thing, well I will give away another scenario of my day which involves more action (although it does happen the same day) (P.S after moving in to London I rarely stay inside home all day, this city makes your restless!). Reading RUMI has really inspired to step outside my own prison. Outside being so gloomy and cold, makes it the best time to practice mindfulness, well coldness that stings to your bone doesn't allow the mind to drift anyway and in all that discomfort I always find very real things to make my heart warm. Going outside with no certain goal works as a technique to re-wire my brain and most of the time it did lead me to new encounters and opened doors to something exciting.
