There's a saying I love by an unknown author - "The very surrender brings you to the point where transformation happens". It does bring me to when I just started to recover from codependency that had tied me to the toxic habits, people & situations. Feeling powerless to do what's good for my health, like my body and mind was someone else's business. Paradoxically, this behavioural pattern does make you think that you are in charge of it all when it was really me who was being controlled by triggers on the outside. I am guilty of being an expert at giving people a good advice and trying to sort out everyone's actions and life but mine. Sure I did, back then taking responsibility for my own thoughts and emotions was unbearably difficult and blaming someone else seemed like an easier thing to do.
However, I realised that even the darkest of my shadows had to be embraced and accepted as wounds literally create you and add on your ultra awesome authentic personality, isn't it? After all, as if life had its own secret plan of resolving things, like in one of those dot to dot worksheets, it had taken turns to acknowledge those flaws, rip off my ego, start a romance with myself, eventually, leading to the opened doors to awareness. Need to mention that it all started with shifting my thoughts from thinking about my closest friends' most recent life drama, imagining what advice I would give her tomorrow morning to drawing my focus back to myself by asking bunch of questions such as "What are my current needs?", "Is that what you really want to do right now?", "What makes me happy?". Cannot describe how hard it was to get used to the constant observation of my mind, trying to catch every thought drifting away. There was a lot of talking to oneself. And interestingly but with no big surprise, this condition is treated very similarly to other addictions such as alcohol or drugs. There are support schemes created for codependent people, who simply can't see a way out from self-sabotaging and low self-worth beliefs due to the early developed addiction to other people! So brace yourself sister, you would have to cut that friend or a guy all out for 21 days to set yourself free.
Having acknowledged that really have taken me far and made me picture my inner world in different colours and shape. It overwhelmingly beautiful to observe that once my inner world started vibrating love and beauty, respect and compassion, similar beauty was projected on my outer world too. You literally stop attracting shit into your life, let me tell you that. By the way, with all these book suggestions and recommendations, it is not my intention to turn my blog into a book club sort of thing, but I do feel like sharing "Codependency" by Melody Beattie because it has changed my life. Even if you're not codependent, it does make you realise a lot of things in your life that stops you from respecting your body and mind and, in general, living your life to its fullest capacity.
Shine bright,
𝔏𝔐
