I remember while shooting those, we had a little conversation with Franci about personalities and mind conditions, how those alienated states that come from different human psyches should be treated equally the same as those that are considered a norm as long as it doesn't cause harm to the wellbeing of others.
I also remember how first time sitting in a therapy chair in a white room, I proclaimed to my mentor that I was afraid I had a multiple personality disorder, trying to find comfort in her answers for all the times I used to struggle with recognising my own face reflected in the same mirror. And for the times I used to deal with the encountered changing voices within me that multiplied and did their tremendous dancing in my head. I was so confused. While she confirmed that DID wasn't the case, I knew there was definitely something that kept on that confusion.
That day I learnt I was a hypersensitive human being, also known as HSP (Highly Sensitive Personality) or SPS. Having researched the traits of this kind I soon came to realise why I had some overwhelming periods while growing up, finding it hard to fit in, desperately teaching myself to imitate those that surrounded me. While being HSP means being overly sensitive with any external triggers such as light, smells, noises, it also underlines the sensitivity with feelings and emotions. So many times it happened that I confused someone else's emotions with my own, which explains why I ever questioned my own identity. On the good side, there's a sharp intuitive sense that allows to read people and situations quickly and ability to deep process any situation thanks to great introspection abilities. As a matter of fact, HSPs contributes only 20% of population in the world today (same for animals), and back in a day the traits were commonly apparent in people that did foreseeing and shamanic healing processes. It's feeling more deeply I guess. There's also a lot of information out there explaining how HSP's brain work information differently, making multi-tasking and quick reaction to situations difficult. Being surrounded by a big group of people does make communication difficult and whole experience overwhelming. How many time did I feel like running away from the crowd to my bedroom to re-charge, I've always been an early leaver in parties. Yet in the one on one discussion we appear as good listeners, implying non verbal language reading, analysing other people's changing face expressions, how the tiniest wrinkles move and eyes change direction.
Growing up I was considered as an odd one by my peers and parents who thought my natural tendency to isolate seemed abnormal. Slow reaction to tasks was very neglected by teachers as it wasn't how the other kids were doing. Being unaware of my personal strengths and focusing only what was lacking really made me develop the feeling of inadequacy and shame for being different than anyone else. I was pushing myself way too hard to adapt to everyone at that time.
Learning about this was a crucial step in my life towards becoming more resilient and also learning how to navigate through the fast-paced life with all the incapabilities. Sooner or later, you have to pick up those flaws and turn them into you strength. There's this magic when you embrace something you always tried to hide. There are so many inspiring figures out there, who have taught me that our most charming characteristics are born out of well mastered flaws.
